Relationship therapy is a unique opportunity to explore yourself, your relationship, and develop emotional honesty and synergy that allows you to be your truest self with your most important others. I approach this work with you by centering an Intersectional, Social Justice, and Cultural Contextual frame that examines how positionality, power, and historical exclusion in the social world impacts our most intimate spaces together. Additionally, I have trained with and integrate various approaches to deepen your relationship growth, such as:

  • Developmental Model of Couples Therapy, which focuses on relationship growth related to Differentiation of the Self and Other; Neuroscience; and Attachment

  • Esther Perel’s Work, which focuses on Erotic Intelligence across the lifespan and how to traverse the complexities of betrayal in modern love

  • Psychobiological Approach Couple Therapy (PACT), which focuses on secure-functioning relationships, based on social contract theory and threat perception

  • Dan Siegal’s work on Interpersonal Neurobiology, which focuses on relational and attachment science

  • Stephen Porges’ work on Polyvagal Theory, which focuses on the adaptive nature of physiological state and neuroception to trigger or to inhibit defense strategies

  • The Gottman Method, which focuses on the 7 principles of creating the Sound Relationship House thereby enhancing stability and reducing destructive difficulties

  • CNM and Poly Affirming, which pulls Jessica Fern’s work, author of “Polysecure,” and, “Polywise,” and honors expansive sexualities and relationship structures

  • Sex Positive Approach, which bring concepts of Erotic Blueprints by Jaiya

  • Institute for Relational Intimacy, which focuses on the complexity of sex and intimacy and explores erotic development in relationships

  • Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFT), which focuses on negative interaction patterns (the relationship dance) all attachment-based relationships encounter

  • Imago Relationship Therapy, which focuses on illuminating childhood wounds in order to create a more Conscious Partnership

In our journey together, I will help you set self-focused goals to feel more empowered to create the changes you want in your relationship. I will support you in understanding where your individual capacities are flourishing and where your growth edges might be. We will look at how differentiation and attachment, two essential processes embedded in ourselves and in our relationships, are impacting your felt sense of each other. Part of what creates Interdependence, which is the seamless flow between dependence and independence, or connection and self-exploration, is the ability to create a secure way of relating to both oneself and an important other.

Here are some capacities that we will explore to support that growth:

  • Internal self-reflecting and identifying one’s own thoughts, feelings, values, wants, and desires

  • Developing the increasing ability to express congruently one’s own thoughts, feelings, wants, and desires. To expose “who I am.”

  • Developing awareness of your partner as separate and different

  • Developing an increasing ability to listen, hear and then respond effectively to these differences – with clear boundaries

  • Developing the ability to create an environment in the relationship that supports desired changes and growth

When the therapy process is going well, we will be able to illuminate the underlying wants and wishes that are often disguised or lost deep inside distressed dynamics, which are the interactional patterns that becomes reinforced over time, causing distress and distance rather than intimacy and understanding.  These difficult dynamics usually have origins that predate your current relationship and we will explore those roots so that you can be aware of how, when, and why that “well worn path” of relating comes up from inside you and plays out between you. Some cues that this might be underneath your relationship struggles are when you repeatedly feel:

  • Unimportant, alone, or ignored

  • Not good enough or that you can't "get it right" with your partner

  • Anxious or afraid of losing your partner

  • Fear of losing yourself or your individuality in your relationship

  • Shut down and withdrawn

  • Distrustful or suspicious of your partner

  • Unseen or unheard by your partner

  • Angry and resentful at imbalances of power and control

You will know that you got what you came for when you feel clear inside yourself about your wants, are able to coherently express those to another, feel steady in your ability to regulate and respond versus react, and make decisions that come from a deepened understanding of each other so that you can have both yourself AND your most essential relationships and connections. Often we have learned to fear that if we truly reveal ourselves then we will ultimately have to chose between important others or ourselves. There is so much more that’s possible and I will help you create and realize the unique relationship vision that is most authentic to you and your relationship.